Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
