I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
