I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
