She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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