I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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