I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
