i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
