It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
