It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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