I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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