i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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