Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
