That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
