The maid of honor just puked.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just want nice things and good sex
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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