I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
