just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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