TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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