Pappa wants mamma naked
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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