ugly people sure do ruin things
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
