I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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