He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
