I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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