Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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