Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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