She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
