he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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