Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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