if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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