you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
