You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
