Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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