God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
