why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Randomize
