he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
God, I missed his penis.
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