it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I deserve to be covered in dicks
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
