and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
