I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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