i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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