if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
barbara walters just said penis...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Two words: nipple clamps
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