It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
