Soap is not a condiment
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
