I got chris browned last night
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
