Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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