I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
