Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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