just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
