the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
