So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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