my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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