you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
