Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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