Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
